Vigil, what is it and where do I sit?
Photo courtesy of: Zink Hein
The word ’vigil’ evokes memories of my parochial school days, particularly the period leading up to Easter Sunday, known as the Three Hours’ Agony. During this time, we were required to sit vigil in our church, holding nothing but a rosary. It was a time meant for deep reflection, but understandably our young minds often wandered, and occasionally - despite the stern looks from Sister Joseph Therese - some of us couldn’t keep silent and had to leave.
Those experiences familiarized me with death and sparked my curiosity about what happens afterwards. My first real encounter with death came during Nursing school when I was assigned a patient that was a family friend’s husband with a terminal diagnosis - it couldn’t be any more personal. It was a transformative and surreal experience, touching every aspect of my being. I initially wondered why anyone would want to be present for such moments. However, when death eventually touched my own family, I began to understand the importance of being there and started searching, unknowingly, for deeper answers.
Vigil means keeping company, being present in anticipation of a significant event or transition—like being there for someone journeying from life into death. A few years ago, as a manager of a supportive housing program, I met a family visiting their mother, who was dying from complications due to dementia. We set up chairs, soft music, and dim lights in her room anticipating the families’ arrival. The fear in the family’s eyes as well as their body language reminded me of my own during my early Nursing school days. This experience, combined with my own, gave me the answers I had been seeking.
Sitting vigil with a dying person, whether as a family member, friend, or service provider, assures them that they will not die alone—a common fear for many. Sitting vigil provides reassurance to those transitioning and to their human or animal companions who may not know what to do or how to react during this process. Sometimes sitting Vigil is like a parent teaching a child how to ride a bike, the act and its repetition provides the “aha” moment and support to the point where you are no longer needed. When sitting vigil, you do whatever feels natural: reading, humming, singing, playing music, using therapeutic touch, massage, or simply being a comforting physical presence.
As Bernie Glassman said, ‘When we bear witness, when we become the situation—homelessness, poverty, illness, violence, death—the right action arises by itself. We don’t have to worry about what to do. We don’t have to figure out solutions ahead of time. Peacemaking is the functioning of bearing witness. Once we listen with our entire body and mind, loving action arises.’
Truly,
Such is Life!
